Funny Stories

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding ...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding .

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your licence please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: I lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.  Within minutes five police cars circle them.  A senior officer slowly approaches the car.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! 

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you open the boot of your car, please.

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!

Don't Mess With Old Ladies

Funny Stories

Mysterious Deaths At ICU

 In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in
the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless
of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some
even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No
one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred
around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was
assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next
Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the
doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see
for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy
objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock
struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper ,
entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he
could use the vacuum cleaner.

Please Pay Postage For Your Bombs

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb.  It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on
it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to
bits. God is Good!

Office Scenario

When I Take a long time to finish, 
I am slow, 
When my boss takes a long time, 
he is thorough 




When I don't do it, 
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, 
he is busy, 



When I do something without being told, 
I am trying to be smart, 
When my boss does the same, 
he takes the initiative, 



When I please my boss, 
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,



When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, 
He's only human.



When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, 
He's on business.



When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, 
He must be very ill.



When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked 



When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets 


what to do????????????? 

Lonely Vampire

I live in dark and hide from light I sleep in day and awake at night Every one tries to escape my sight They all fear I may bite Every one sees my two long teeth No one notice I too breathe I sleep in a coffin have no bed Though l live it’s no better than dead No one even come close or near I don’t understand for what they fear? I have no one to call “my dear” And share a smile or at least a tear by   Sura

Past and Present

The past and present both start with a "P" and end with  a "T"
but they differ like sky and sea


Past is like a hard disk and present is like a Ram 
I hope you get it , may not all, at least some


Past is static and final ,not open to change
Present is a variable depending on decisions we make




Do not ponder too much on past 
just make sure lessons you learned will last


Today is gift so treat it like one
Greet each day with a smile and have all the fun


by sura