A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown
You can't have everything... where would you put it? ~Steven Wright
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. ~P.D. East
May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.
~Irish Prayer
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Author Unknown
A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. ~Sir Winston Churchill
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. ~Author Unknown
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. ~Author Unknown
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
